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Blind [accoustic version] - Lifehouse
Blind

I was young but I wasn't naïve
I watched helpless as you turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

After all this why
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
Friday, February 8, 2008
2:21 PM

may my breathe find shelter in your heart,
may my life be destroyed in your love

BACKS!
alhamdulillah. after 16 long days.
i'm made it back to Singapore, safe and sound.
as said, i've got more stories to tell.

changi airport.
my whole family came.
grandmother decided to follow.
gave me a panic attack.
but come what may, i still want somebody there.
safwanah bte shariff marican
skipped school just to send me off.
it was seriously a pleasant surprise.

me and the sister i never had,
safwanahbinteshariffmarican

my darling bestfriends came.
nurul and adila (:

nurul me and adila (:

and
ameerhassaan came with effy.
at the last minute
hehe *smiles*
thanks effy for wanting to be bullied by him (:
and thank YOU for coming all the way down.
*smiles*

the people i spent 16 lovely days with

touchdown. newdelhi, india.
'omg, it smells like mustaffa'
well, tt silent thought turned out to be
something i spoke out loud. and fellow
singaporeans around me just gave me this smirk.
oops.

i had to run back to the plane cause
'the shawl' went missing.
thank god i found it :D
so we were received like some bigshots at the airport.
well.. almost.
stepping outside into the india air was painful.
cause it was seriously cold.
6.7degrees
the ride to the camp was...
BUMPY n NOISY.
we came to the conclusion that in india,
its an offence not to sound the horn!
omg.

i called mom as soon as i reached.
and i texted somebody to inform him of my arrival.

the campsite. we were welcomed by
the delegation from Bhutan and Nepal.
yes, i never knew there was a country called Bhutan.
so i guess its true...
we learn new things everyday.

i wish i haf the pics of the room.
omg. i almost cried looking at the toilet.
yes.
i shared d room with the girls from Nepal.
one thing i learnt, communication is darn important.
my room was the quietest. you can imagine.
we went to the drawing room thats turned into
a disco everynight of the IRD camp.
after that we had dinner at the dining room.
still very anti-social. but we didnt care much then.

i wasnt joking when i say that they seriously would die for the country
this is the gate to our dorms by the way.

me and the girls from Bhutan
in their national dress.

me and the nepal girls a.k.a the roomates

the dining room

rahul and fird
the chefs for our meals

the other people came in the day after,
Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, Vietnam, Kazakhstan and Maldives.
people from all walks of life came to that campsite.
very sociable people, very anti-social people, very fun-loving people,
filthy rich people, very smart people and the list goes on..
yeap. i enjoyed the company of all these people and made
really great friends there!

nothing much happens in Delhi.
parades. cultural programmes.
more parades. and more cultural programmes.
and man, the NCC cadets from india super love their country.
i swear we Singaporeans, are no where close.
the strength of their NCC cadets, is bigger than our Army.
and these guys would be involved in War if their country is in one.
they are trained by REAL Army officers.
they even fly their own planes. how cool is that?
its so repetitive that me, dickie, rai, sid and stan
all memorised the emcee's script. yesss.
we also memorised the national anthem, d india ncc song
and this song 'vandai matherem'
and trust me,
none of us have a good memory ;)

an evidence of how bored we were,
even our boots were a source of entertainment

during cultural performance

sight seeing was good though.
omg. these places are mind-blowing!
the architecture of the places we went were
superb. gosh. and it makes me wonder how
the people back at those times could built
such things without the technology and its still standing
firm and strong up till today.
and some of these forts that we went to,
are bigger than tampines, pasir ris and simei put together!
and we, people of the modern age,
equipped with the modern technology and knowledge
cant built things of such beauty.

super big canon that is only used once and could fire 46m.
we figured the recoil would kill too many people.
tts why its used only once.
its darn huge.
this is in jaipur

this fort that we're in goes all they way beyond the mountains
you see in the picture.
its like the Great Wall of India.
look at how high up we are.

another picture to show how huge this place is.
oh the ride up, was scary.

another fort in agra

qutub minar in delhi.

qutub minar

this was carved and this wall is darn high.
one word,
WOW.

oh yeah, the place they held us captive..
it was a military area. and this military area
has like the houses of almost everyone involved
in defending the country. the area is super huge.
i think its the size of a quarter of Singapore.
judging that DELHI itself is twice the size of Singapore.
and its only one part of India ;)

we were seriously the BIG SHOTS of the event.
went to the President's residence, Prime Minister's
residence. all the officers that we met were seriously
very very very very experience.
they actually went thru REAL wars and survived.
omg. their stories are like so captivating.
no wonder they are so patriotic.

the food at these places were good.
not to mention almost the same ;)
heh. prolly standardised caterer. hahaha.
but at the Chief of Army's house,
the CHOCOLATE FANTASY was the best ever.
well, it might be because we havent had
REAL NICE chocolate for long might be reason.
but oh wells. it was SUPERB while it lasted.
the houses of the people are freaking big.
super big. super nice. they even had green grass.
haha but that's within the walls.
once you step outside of these places,
the scene changes abruptly.
yes just imagine.
so yes, to fellow friends of mine who loves Bollywood shows.
the places they show in the movies,
all the BIG Houses, hell yeah those things exist
but there's an extreme opposite that exists as well.
just keep those in mind the next time you watch a Hindi movie.


the sights in India (:

we visited Singapore High Commission.
OMG its the best place we've been!
haha, cause its SINGAPORE grounds.
i tell you, we've never been so glad to feel at home.
there were SINGAPOREANS speaking SINGLISH
and PROPER ENGLISH without the accent!
omg and the place is soooooo clean.
even the TEA was super nice. not to mention the chocolate cake!
hahaha.
we seriously were in awe of Singapore's cleanliness there in India.
yes, we really acted as though we haven't been to Singapore for
a couple of years. but WHO CARES.
that place really rocks.
haha for someone whose been deprived of good conditions.
for almost 2 weeks.
proud to be a SINGAPOREAN.
our high commission looks the nicest, i think.
its just my opinion. hahaha.

day4 of India Republic Day Camp (IRDC)
was one to remember.. well for me at least.
haha. the boys who were the NCC cadets and
students from the Rai Sports School, came over
to interact with us. hahaha.
and i made super close friends.
Jogi, Ajit and Dinesh.

only much later then i found out that
these people are NATIONAL players of India.
Jogi and Ajit are Horse Riders.
Dinesh, Sam, Yogi and a some others were Gymnast.
and i was like WOW.
yes, so they came over everynight.
and my first dance in india was with Jogi.
and next was with Ajit.
i seriously suck at dancing :)
haha i still rmb Sam saying,
' tum indian hai na? then u can dance. tum shy kyun?'
translation. ' you're indian. then u can dance. why are u shy?'
and jogi said, ' let her be haina. she'll dance. soon enough'
and yeap my first dance started.

the 'party-goers' from singapore.


the first song to the first dance
mauja hi mauja from the movie Jab We Met
(would post the translations if i manage to find it)

bad thing about all these, d singapore boys got worried.
i got worried. even the teacher officers got worried.
cause in d midst of everybody dancing and them being
tall, they cant keep and eye on me.
so yeah. andd to make things worst, the Kazakhstan people
were drunk almost everynight. so yeahh.
and all i can say after being with these people is that
North Indian boys are protective.
ask the guys from singapore, they'll agree.
big thanks to Jogi for keeping the drunkards away
almost every night. and thanks to my big brother Romeo,
whose always keeping an eye out for me. at all times.
even when i was with Jogi and Ajit.
haha but most of the time, especially at night
i'm in the boys dorm with Dickie, Rai and Mao.
i swear its much safer there.
its something i'm not supposed to do
but you cant help it when you cant speak to anyone in your room.
and dickie and rai are like brothers to me. so yeahh.
they gave up stopping me after a while :D

Jogi and me

me and Ajit
after their horse show

I was suppose to learn how to ride the horse.
haha but my schedule was darn packed everyday.
poor Jogi had to come and go everytime.
in the end, i didnt manage to even ride the horse.
but i got to see Jogi and Ajit do their thing (:
Jogi would be coming to over to Sg soon (: haha

we went to Agra and Jaipur, Rajasthan.
stayed in 2 different hotels.
haha TAP water in Agra is salty. like seawater.
we saw a lot of algae water.
the ROAD to AGRA and JAIPUR was..
omg. i swear we were clinging on to our seats.
6 hours journey from Delhi to Agra, another 6 hours from
Agra to Jaipur and 6 hours from Jaipur to Delhi.
crap. the journey was so bumpy. the road LOOKED so even.
but hell no.
dickie, me, rai and mao sat at the last seat.
omg. we had the ride of our lives.
we bumped our heads at the ceiling of the bus, countless of times.
and oh yesssss.
there was MACDONALDS in the middle of no where
drg our drive from Delhi to Agra.
omg. it was freezing went we got off the bus.
-2degress.
haha but we had hot chocolate. me, rai n dickie had
vegetarian burger (its seriously not nice)
and we had CHOCOLATE SUNDAE. yes it was freezing
but hey! we were deprived.

highlight of the whole trip was definitely the TAJ MAHAL.
yes. i've been there. set foot there. kissed the marble.
and god knows what else we did there ;)
its superb. mind-blowing. simply beautiful.
i dunno hw to describe it. but it maybe like just another mosque
to some of you. but knowing the history of it. and looking
at the architecture of the place... wow.......
we took super weird and A LOT of pictures.
well..
just enjoy the pics of the Taj and other stuffs (:

TAJ MAHAL (:


at the mosque of Taj

the 2 brothers of mine (:

lying down on the marble

bottom-up view from the taj

i told ya we took a lot of pics.
even if its from the same spot,
there's many poses.

Singapore delegation with
Col. Dinesh Gupta and Col. Azad Singh

tired after running around the Taj Mahal

i told you so.

i was here!

(:

different view from the Taj

different views OF the Taj

the night sky outside Taj Mahal
(i didnt edit the pic, besides the words, i swear)

Jal Mahal.
4 storeys submerged underwater.
located in Jaipur.
meant for the the ladies of the palace back in those days.
haha the water is darn dirty.


the Cadet Lieutenants and Cadet Officer (with the cap)

spending 16days with these guys are really great.
i miss them a lot.
but we've formed 2 groups.
the NON S-Leagues, and the S-League.
S-League stands for Stupidity, Selenger, Slow, etc.
nothing good, please.
Dickie, Me and Raihan are the Head Councillors
of the Non S-League.
haha just check out the pic



see the notable difference?
haha.
the whole trip was fun because of the people actually.
seriously. there was not one night without Ghandiji, a.k.a Sadiq.
omg. check out the video. classic. victim - Edward Khoo executive member of the SLeague.



haha full credits goes to Dickie.
i still laugh seeing how much Edward is the epitome of the S-League.
____________________________________________________________________

all the fun times are really to remember.
but in the midst of all the fun and laughter,
i really missed Home.
called Mom everyday without fail.
now i'm afraid of the Bill thats coming.
and an 'unexpected someone' messaged me several times.
during my stay in India.
haha made my night with every message (:
i reaaaaaally didnt think he'd send text messages.
i'm not complaining. just darn happy :D
he even claimed to have a new hobby while i was there (:
i think Jogi and Ajit got bored of me talking about missing him.
and for the record,
i really did miss him a lot.
only God knows how it had been.

several people gave me a call while i was there
to check on me.
Safwanah Shariff Marican
Brudder Bhai.
Thinesh.
haha thanks guys. i'm really touched!
especially my big brother, Shahabuddin.
it amazes me, hw he could tell me
the long list of 'do nots' in the short period of time he called.
haha tts why i'm glad i have a big brother like him.

and my biggest thanks to Dickie, Rai, Mao, Sid, Stan
for taking a very good care of me while we're there.
especially during the times we went shopping.
omg. these guys are saviours i tell you.
even when i shopped for things like fabric
they stayed with me, even though they made a lot
of noise abt it, they sticked with me throughout.
THANKS!
____________________________________________________________________

Chapter 19

the day after i came home from India,
i turned 19.
celebrated being 19 by paying the family doctor a visit
and kept my bed company.

haha anyways,
this birthday is one to remember (:
all thanks to dearest AmeerHassaan.
and my darling girlfriends.

my first birthday wish came from him,
and it came along with a bday present.
a PRANK CALL.
thank you. very sweet of you. grr.

my dearest girlfriends
brought me out for dinner.
haha how much we've grown up.
i still rmb u guys made me walk ard school with that balloon that was too huge to be
kept anywhere. INTO LECTURES some more.
omg. those were the
this year, they gave me 2 presents.
one to remind me the kid i am,
the other to remind me that i need to grow up.
like wow, babes. sheesh.

keep the kid side of me.

i need to start wearing dresses, so they said.

the best friends the world's got to offer.

many more wishes came in.
i wanna thank EVERYONE who took the trouble
to call and messaged
thinesh, fahmi zee, hafiz, muhammad, farhan, brian,
eeduh, safwanah, rifah, sarah, isabella, rupini
and many many more people.
thank you sooo much.

but my birthday stretched till saturday.
met dearest person at pasir ris.
and i was late
he had with him a big white box.
and told me that was bday present.
and inside there's something alive,
so must be careful. omg. i almost died.
i cant take care of myself properly, and now
he's asking me to take care of something else.
and i believed him for a very very very
long time. sheesh.
until his sister called and wished me happy belated birthday
and hope i liked the cupcakes they made.
was when i knew that he lied.
he got his mom and sisters to bake me cupcakes (:
thank you.
very sweet of you.
and very bad of you to trouble all of them.

to ameer's family.
thank you soooooo much. the cupcakes are lovely.
its all chocolate!! haha. sorry he troubled you guys.
i think he's right when he told me that his biggest sis wud
say that he's given her hell the day he's born.
thank you very much once again (:

the home-made cupcakes (:

need i say more why he's the best?
everything that happened that faithful saturday
was simply sweet ((:
haha i've got a feeling there's an over-dosage of
sweetness that night.
thank you dear.
the all new Chapter 19.
the start of an all new life.
with you in it (:

and so, that sums up my entry this time.

you made me so confused and happy all at once.
just like how you make my heart beat slower and faster
at the same time.



.i wanna change for the better.

her/
life/
love/
heart/
memories/