learning to accept reality doesnt equate to
tolerating it or even be okay about it.
sometimes things just get so confusing that
i can't be bothered anymore.
haha. i dun even know hw i'm feeling right now.
i cant be bothered.
if its even possible. i wanna be invisible.
many things around me are different.
guess i gotta learn to adapt now that things are
different.
you know what. maybe the emergency is coming up real soon.
so if u cant contact me over a few days,
do call up the hospitals to check if i'm there.
if not, try the cemetary.
haha just joking.
12:28 AM
another day has come to an end.
i really appreciate the moments when i'm alone.
today i learn a very valuable lesson.
dont trust peoples' words as it is.
cause not everyone tell you whole truths.
even though u guys close friends.
well it doesnt mean u doubt everybody either.
it all depends on how well you know these people.
HONESTY WORKS BOTH WAYS.
if you're wondering how i'm feeling tonight.
here's a good picture to depict it.
try inferring..
i just wanna be left alone.
no wait...
i am.
its hard to keep the smile on the face going
when deep down inside everything feels wrong.
i came to realize one thing today.
while some girls are emotional and others are
emotionless...
i've got conflicting emotions.
it seemed to me that my brain isn't
as matured as the feelings i have in my heart.
like it or not, i really think this is true
cause many times d feelings i have in my heart
it would always be opposed with the thoughts in my head.
they say, follow your heart and not your mind.
but i've got another problem.
i'm idealistic.
so i cant trust my heart as much as i want to.
happy endings do happen.
but it doesn't always happen.
i learn that during lit tutorial today.
in Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen, Elizabeth and Darcy did have their
'and they lived happily ever after' ending.
but it is only these two characters that manage to get this ending.
however in Sons and Lovers, by D.H Lawrence, what Gertrude Coppard thought was love,
became the biggest mistake of her life. her marriage that started out because she thought she loved Walter Morel, only had its happiness for 7 months. Everything crumbles when that moment was over...
i created my own painting of the life i wanted.
i'm aware that i'm in control of how i want my painting to look like,
it is i who decide where the red,blue and green would go and what
it should go onto..
but this very life that i'm leading, i'm not the artist
that has the deciding power. It lies on the hand of God.
for the first time in many days,
i managed to control my tears.
i didnt shed a single tear even though
every part of me was about to burst...
it was hard keeping those tears in.
but its harder to be in denial and making you
believe in something that isn't even there.
A'lvls are my main priority now.
everything else comes later on.
even though i may have lost hope in dreams...
i haven't lost hope in God, painter of my life.
when all you gotta keep is strong, move along, move along like i know you do.
k this may be a lil late but
HAPPY 42nd BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE
may the country continue to prosper and forever be in peace.
tuesday was fun.
adila, shalini and myself reward ourselves
by having dinner at swensens.
guess what,
by the time we got back to our respective neighbourhood,
it was as good as deserted. haha.
my parents made a lot of noise, but it was worth it.
this LONG holiday of ours have been spent quite
fruitfully i must say.
huda, shakthi, hidayah and myself have been
meeting up and did our revisions together.
venue, my place.
on thursday,
it was sumwhat like a party.
hrmm. a serious study party haha.
we had MANY junk food to eat.
( a lil bit too much i think)
and it was hard to keep shakthi away from the tv
at first, then she was supposed to do her essay,
but end up going to non-related essay programs.
haha i became like a mother she never had.
friday was hillarious.
shakthi got locked in.
no keys cause her brother took hers.
her parents left for the hospital
and the couple she's staying with went for check up.
haha how unlucky and this things sumhw ONLY happens to her.
so it was a rather 'silent' party.
nurul, hidayah and myself.
accomplished more things today.
sooo proud of ourselves even though doing chemistry TYS was frustrating
cause it seemed as though it wun end.
but we met our target!
doing LIT was another chore.
goshh it took sooooo long to compile our lovely notes.
haha its not fully done yet,
but i'm sure we'd pull thru somehow.
here are some pics we took,
shakthi 'doing' her essayhidayah her complex 3 andnurul getting sick of thermochem
we were taking a 'short' break and shakthi made us view this friendster profile.ouhhh and shakthi SAVED me from totally revealing my 'deepest darkest secret' thanks to DANIAL IZZAT.
so here's a good example to show u what we were doing most of the time. well... almost.and FINALLY, here's how the room looked like ((:
the things that on the floor... hahaha i swear its not usually like this ((:
what the table was filled with, books, food, notes, food, calculator, food and more FOOD! (that explains why EVERY ONE's gaining weight at top speed)
more mess was created by yours trully ((:
ouh wells. thats like the last time we ever get the long break from school
given the fact that our study leave have been erased
leaving us left with the september holidays.
my collage friends are the main people responsible for keeping me going.
we back each other up even though every one of us feel like
breaking down.
thats why my BIG thanks goes to each and everyone of them
NURUL, SHALINI, ADILA, SHAKTHI and HIDAYAH.
and also my classmates 06S502.
and next are my tutors for not giving up on me (:
(chey i feel like i'm making a speech after receiving and award! Amin)
kk lets continue. *ehem2*
Hafiz for understanding me mood swings and my breakdowns
and always being there for me. he even scold me at times and
refuse to talk to me if i've not completed my work. sheesh.
but yeahhh. it helped!
and Thinesh for the undying motivation.
cheyyy COMMANDO cheering me on ehh. hahaha. up lah eyy.
thankssss.
Fahmi for his random messages in the middle of the night!
haha always perks me up
and close friends who have kept me awake thru their messages and
keeping me company all these while ((:
and most importantly, THANK GOD
for giving me all these wonderful people in my life
even though some of them are really annoying, *coughs* especially this particular one
who declared tt he's a jackass ((:
without all these, i dun think i'd be able to survive.
life wouldnt be so simple nearing the A'lvls.
but i've promised to continue persevering till the end.
i disappoint my mom when i received my O'lvls result.
and I'm working darn hard now, just so that i dun disappoint her
again (: insya-Allah. Amin.
two nights of tears was enough to perk me up again.