its hard to keep the smile on the face going
when deep down inside everything feels wrong.
i came to realize one thing today.
while some girls are emotional and others are
emotionless...
i've got conflicting emotions.
it seemed to me that my brain isn't
as matured as the feelings i have in my heart.
like it or not, i really think this is true
cause many times d feelings i have in my heart
it would always be opposed with the thoughts in my head.
they say, follow your heart and not your mind.
but i've got another problem.
i'm idealistic.
so i cant trust my heart as much as i want to.
happy endings
do happen.
but it doesn't always happen.
i learn that during lit tutorial today.
in
Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen, Elizabeth and Darcy did have their
'and they lived happily ever after' ending.
but it is only these two characters that manage to get this ending.
however in
Sons and Lovers, by D.H Lawrence, what Gertrude Coppard thought was love,
became the biggest mistake of her life. her marriage that started out because she thought she loved Walter Morel, only had its happiness for 7 months. Everything crumbles when that moment was over...
i created my own painting of the life i wanted.
i'm aware that i'm in control of how i want my painting to look like,
it is i who decide where the red,blue and green would go and what
it should go onto..
but this very life that i'm leading, i'm not the artist
that has the deciding power. It lies on the hand of God.
for the first time in many days,
i managed to control my tears.
i didnt shed a single tear even though
every part of me was about to burst...
it was hard keeping those tears in.
but its harder to be in denial and making you
believe in something that isn't even there.
A'lvls are my main priority now.
everything else comes later on.
even though i may have lost hope in dreams...
i haven't lost hope in God, painter of my life.
when all you gotta keep is strong, move along, move along like i know you do.
